Dealing With the Death of a Pet
This poem, whose author is unknown, has been a comfort to many who have loved and lost a dog.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Julie has often been asked by clients how do you know when to say goodbye to your ill dog? She wrote this article for her clients after the loss of one of her dogs in 2009, in the hope that these suggestions could make the passing of a beloved pet a bit easier for all members of a family.
Saying Goodbye.
As a trainer I am often asked such questions as: "How do I get him to come?" "At what age should I start training? "How do you stop him from jumping on my kids?" and "How do you know when to let go?"The answers (in order) are: Reward him heavily when he comes to you and never punish him for coming; It's never too early to start training (we start the day the dog comes home); Prevent him from jumping in the first place and train an incompatible behavior; and lastly, There is no magic formula for knowing when to say goodbye to your beloved pet, but I do have some suggestions that might help you to make the right decision at the right time.
1. Build a close relationship with your pet and trust your instincts.
As those of you who are my training clients know, I have a 3 part training program, the second part of which is Relationship. Building a relationship with your dog based on co-operation and trust will help you not only in training but in knowing intimately your pet and his needs, wants and quirks. It will aid you in knowing when your dog is in pain or discomfort and when or what sort of relief he may need.
We took our old dog Rebel to the vet's when his motor co-ordination began to deteriorate rapidly. Since he was not in pain, we put him on prednizone to try and stabilize the condition so that our older daughter Ellie would be able to get home from college to see him.
The steroid improved his condition temporarily and Ellie got home in time to spend a few days with him while he was cognicent. He lost the ability to walk, but we carried him and repositioned him when he needed it. He ate popcorn while we trimmed the tree and our two retrievers tag-teamed being with him. As long as he showed interest in life, was eating and not in pain we were unwilling to put him down, despite having to carry him everywhere and managing his incontinence. When he spent one night in grave discomfort with intermittent seizures and the next morning refused to eat or drink, we knew that the time had come to let him go. We knew when it wasn't time, and we knew when it was primarily because the relationship we built with him helped us to know and trust one another.
2. Find a way for everyone in the family to participate in his care.
One thing that I think comes from this mutual trust is an understanding that we humans have a stake in the relationship as well. Rebel was our Ellie's and my husband Brad's special dog. I felt it was important for Ellie to have a chance to be with her dog and say goodbye in an unhurried fashion. Brad is fortunate to have been on sabatical and dedicated himself to Rebel's care during Rebel's last two weeks of life. I would encourage any parent or spouse to try and find a way for each member of the family to care for or attend to an ill or dying pet, so that each person who loves the dog has a concrete way to say goodbye and to know they contributed to the greater good of their pet. It will make your dog's passing easier on all involved.
3. Work with your vet.
I have nothing but gratitude and praise for my vet and his staff. From the time we took Rebel in after Thanksgiving, our vet understood not only the severity of Rebel's condition, but our need to try something, keep him around for Ellie, and our desire to do what was best for all involved. He not only clearly explained to us the situation but trusted we would do what was right for us and for our dog and supported us through the whole process. Building a good relationship with your vet will give you another valuable asset to help you with tough decisions.
4. Resources.
Helping your children deal with the loss of a pet is hard, and you will likely find yourself having several difficult discussions with your children about it. Chapter 10 (Saying Goodbye: Life without Your Dog) of Colleen Pelar's book "Living with Kids and Dogs...with out Losing Your Mind" has a lot of good advice and resources to help you work through this loss with your children. It is available online at Amazon.com or directly from Colleen at http://www.livingwithkidsanddogs.com/lkd.html.
"Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant, is a wonderful book for kids and adults. Ms. Rylant obviously has a deep understanding and love of dogs and her book is a comfort and joy for all of us who have loved and lost a dog.
One last thought....dogs are amazing creatures. I don't know about cats, birds, bunnies, horses, or other animals that share our lives, but I do know that most dogs readily give us their entire hearts and in exchange they ask only for a small corner in ours. And while that doesn’t make it any easier to say good bye to a beloved companion, it does make dog ownership the best deal on the planet.
